August 2011
9 posts
Preparing For 2012 - Tips For Surviving the...
With earthquakes, hurricanes and tornadoes taking over the east coast, the world economy teetering on a precipice, and Justin Bieber hosting the first episode of Punk’d, it’s not a stretch to believe the end of days are upon us. No one is safe and even fewer are prepared.
There are many reasons why people don’t talk about emergency preparedness. For some, turning a blind eye is as good as...
Anonymous asked: Can you triforce?
Anonymous asked: are you on facebook?
Anonymous asked: On a scale of 1 to 10, are you gay?
Anonymous asked: Just found your blog and think you're super funny. Your brother is really funny, too. Missing Missy is my favorite! Two questions. Is your whole family funny? Is your brother single? xo, ok
Anonymous asked: r u related to david thorne?
Bile Bear Farm Horrors: Mother Bear Kills Cub and...
If the Sarah Mclachlan ASPCA ad for abused animals makes your heart sink, the idea of caged bears kept under inhumane conditions to have their gall bladders milked daily for use as a Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) might bring you to tears. Even more heart wrenching is a recent report of a mother bear killing her cub and herself to stop a life of continued torture and pain. A bile farm worker...
Aliens Cure Pennsylvanian Woman's Arthritis
The small town of Warren, Pennsylvania, which lies near Lake Erie on the edge of Allegheny National Forest, is quickly becoming the latest hotspot for those in search of close encounters with alien life. Warren is usually a fairly quiet town, large enough to have a high school, but small enough for the locals to notice when changes occur. Most recently, the heightened military activity...
July 2011
7 posts
Cutting Edge Fashion for the Creative Costcutter
Aluminum is the new black.
As we all know, keeping up with the latest fashion can be a costly endeavor. We all want that 5th Avenue look, but not all of us have a 5th Avenue budget. With a little creative effort though, common household items can be utilized to create a look that will be the envy of your friends and guaranteed to turn heads. How much did it cost? That’s for you to...
101 Short Stories →
James Franco and the Museum of Non-Visible Art
Say what you will about James Franco’s acting but the man is a marketing genius. In collaboration with a conceptual art duo called Praxis, Franco announced his involvement with a new large-scale conceptual art project that sells invisible art.
The Project’s acronym is MONA, not to be confused with the Museum of Neon Art or the Museum of Nebraska Art, but rather the Museum of...
Money, Sex, Work, Children and Housework can all...
The top five topics couples argue about are money, sex, work, children and housework. A study, commissioned by Smart Money and Redbook states, “All couples argue from time to time, and, in a general sense, it turns out we’re all arguing about the same things.” These “same things” aren’t actually about things at all, but rather about seeking love, respect or attention within any...
Hermaphrodite Butterfly Hatches in London Museum,...
A small hermaphroditic miracle has occurred at the Natural History Museum in London. In mid-June, a large mixed-sex butterfly hatched at the museum’s annual Sensational Butterflies exhibition and is receiving a great deal of media attention due to its androgynous attributes.
A member of the Great Mormon (Papilio Memnon) species common to South Asia, the gynandromorphy butterfly - “gyn”...
Zombie Warnings Infecting American Highways
Zombie warnings have been reported across America from California to Northeastern Canada this summer. In typical fashion of government owned news agencies (all of them), these stories are being covered up or passed off as pranks by hackers, which coincidentally are also a government invention. Luckily a few years ago, Jalopnik released a report on how to hack electronic signs. So-called Internet...
June 2011
2 posts
May 2011
16 posts
“Too bad Lassie didn’t know how to ice skate, because then if she was in Holland on vacation in winter and someone said ‘Lassie, go skate for help,’ she could do it.” —Jack Handy
Quote of the day
“There isn’t really any handicapped Americans, they just put those decals on their cars because they are too lazy to walk.”
—My altruistic husband
Anonymous asked: what are your ocd symptoms?
Anonymous asked: Do you still think your joke about Chris Martin brushing his teeth even though he's British is funny after seeing this chart?
http://www.economist.com/research/articlesBySubject/displaystory.cfm?subjectid=7933596&story_id=15060097
http://www.economist.com/research/articlesBySubject/displaystory.cfm?subjectid=7933596&story_id=15060097
sireofthought asked: hi David's female and/or David how is it going
I am from Britain and my female lives in America and I am hoping to fly out to be with her which is I guess what you guys did so that's pretty cool.
Do you and/or David have any tips I could use?
Also my female knows David not by name but by the title "the mean guy" which I find pretty funny and...
I am from Britain and my female lives in America and I am hoping to fly out to be with her which is I guess what you guys did so that's pretty cool.
Do you and/or David have any tips I could use?
Also my female knows David not by name but by the title "the mean guy" which I find pretty funny and...
Oh, hai!
Hi anonymous poster,
Thank you for your nice sediment, although, I wish you had used your real name. Not so I can google you and find out where you live or anything. Just so I can make new friends. You are correct that Holly David and I are married. There was no dog at the ceremony and Holly I was in fact, awake. It was a small, nice wedding that took place inside a shoe cuboard, just the...
April 2011
13 posts
Not for those easily saddened by sad dog things or... →
I will quit my job and
Get a whole bunch of credit cards because, like, free money.
Apply to space camp, again, and won’t take no for an answer this time. That last restraining order means nothing to me.
Finally build that bookshelf for all my back copies of Cosmopolitan. Did you know that a woman can get a man to like her by just applying the right eye makeup and getting her best friend to have a threesome? Too...
I was peed on by someone’s pet rabbit during first grade show and tell and cried about it to my mom. Being the sage mother full of comforting advice, she told me that it was good luck if a rabbit peed on a person. I believed that sentiment for over twenty years.
Last spring, at a family reunion, my pervy third cousin brought his pet rabbit and just like first grade, I was the last person to...
I am a good dog. →
“Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough,” says Oprah, who has everything.
March 2011
18 posts
I walked into the bathroom and found a once white but now muddy washcloth stuffed into the drain. I asked David if he had used my makeup for some reason and tried to hide the evidence. His first response was, “No, what for?” To which I said, “But there is a wet rag stuffed in the sink with foundation all over it?!”
::Few minutes of silence go by::
Him: “Oh yeah,...
1 tag
FTFY
Of all the “singers” in this year’s American Idol, Scotty McCreery stands out the most, not for his singing though, but rather for his signature expression that a few might call “Country Velvet” but most would describe as a balanced combination of constipated puppy and a 12 year-old boy seeing Playboy for the first time.
However, and I hate admitting this, he looks...
Click here for a map of penis size worldwide (by... →
I immediately scrolled to find China. Does that make me a bad person?